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I just wrote all this down, not to be seen on any blog, but for myself. It is unedited for any kind of viewing and it was written with no one in mind. This is unfiltered. Hope it isn't too honest for anyone...


Ugh… I hate sin. I hate this drive in myself to continually send my life in a direction of self-destruction. My life, constantly heading towards spiritual and emotional ruin, if left unchecked.

Depravity; the thing that constantly makes us realize we need God by making sure we will never figure it out and stop falling short. I will always fall short. This fact sucks. I still have not conquered even coming to terms with this, much less trying to eradicate it in my life. It is still hard for me to look in the spiritual mirror, wondering why in the world Jesus would love and save me. It makes no sense at all. That is why it is called grace… knowing this doesn’t make it any easier for me though.

It is such a battle. I think my biggest battle is coming to the battlefield, putting on armor and accepting that if I don’t fight, if I don’t stand guard, I WILL lose ground, because I am cracked. I am broken. Left to my own devices, I will try to destroy my own life by chasing so-called pleasure and substitute lifestyles. You can sub in any lifestyle you want, but the cliché will remain as true as ever: inside every single person who has ever walked this earth, there is a God-shaped hole. I can choose to try and jam what seems like a round peg into the round hole, but looks are so very deceiving. The best lies are half-truths. Here is a fact: I am sinner. I am messed up. I am built like this.

I need a Savior. Without one I am the second law of thermodynamics in living color. I will spiral down and down and down towards chaos. Left on my own, I am losing steam, running out of gas, please insert your favorite analogy here. The point is, depravity is so hard because it means I will always fall short. It is so amazing because it shows me how I need God and how He loves me without any merit on my part, no matter how much I think I have going for me. I am thankful for this thing I hate. Because of it, Christ’s glory can be evident in me. I will scream it, then. “I am no perfect man! I sin! I make mistakes! And Jesus Christ loves me!”

1 comment:

S.A. said... thoughts exactly! I'm continually thankful for the hope that we have in Christ. Yes, I'm back...thanks for the comment. Can we upload some of our camp videos to your blog? Also, there's a site called where you can post videos. What do you think? I think the chin monkeys would be a hit!