When Animals Attack, vol. 1

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Location: Lynchburg, Va

Time: 11:45am

Incident Report:
Ok, so our neighbors lost their cat a few days ago. Apparently, they like this cat very much. They have been searching around the neighborhood looking for their orange cat. Yesterday morning I was awakened at about 8am to the sound of a woman calling, "Kiiiiiiiiitty! Kiiiiiiiiiiitty!" So, as I was driving to work today, a block away from my house I see an orange cat in the road. I decide that today I will be a good neighbor and bring the cat back. It was an orange cat with a red collar. It seemed pretty domesticated and pretty dirty, which I thought fit the bill of a cat that has been missing for a few days. I pick up the cat and it seems friendly. The second I close the car door to drive back the block to my house, the cat freaks out, scratching up my arms and squirming out of my arms, getting dirt and crap all over me. I am trying to hold this cat down by the collar and it is doing its best to get away. So, the cat jumps up and attaches itself to my roof- upside down. The cat is dangling upside down, holding on by its claws, which are digging into my ceiling. The cat begins to walk towards the back-seat; keep in mind that it is "walking" by sticking its claws one paw at a time into my roof. I realize that this would have been a good place to take a picture because it was quite the hilarious image, but all I was consciously thinking about was getting back to the house with my face not clawed out. So, I pull into my driveway and open the door and the cat wanders out into my backyard. I ask Charlton which neighbors lost a cat, walk over, and knock on the door. A man answers it, and I tell him that I think I found his lost cat. He says, great, what did it look like? I say, it was an orange cat with a red collar. He says, our cat doesn't have a collar. ... It was about this point that I realized that I abducted a cat from someone a block away and released it into my backyard. Charlton was cracking up when I got back to the house and told me to be on the look out for the cops. I think the cat was able to find its way home, though, because judging by how dirty it got me, it was an outside cat and we weren't that far from his house.

Moral: No good deed goes unpunished. For a scratched up arm and a roof littered with cat-claw holes, all I got was the title of "cat-napper". I hope our neighbors find the real cat.


Anonymous said...

I will laugh for years to come from this story. Kind of like when my dog stabbed me in the leg with a steak knife.

Megan said...

ahhh What a great story. My laughter will be echoing the house all day. Priceless. hmmm Harrison the cat-napper. I like it.

Adam said...

Dude, that is such a funny story! I love it!