The Rules of the Universe

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As the sage Jared Kirk says, the success of any fantasy movie/book/video game is based on the consistency of the rules of that universe. Let me explain. This fantasy movie/book/video game must have certain rules by which it must abide. If it doesn't obey it's own rules, it breaks the credibility of that fantasy world. For instance, the Lord of the Rings series has certain rules that it obeys. Gandalf won't climb into a spaceship and fly to Mars. That breaks the rules that Tolkien set up for his world. All that to say:

Here are the rules of the universe that I have understood from the Legend of Zelda.

1) At the beginning, you will be a hapless kid who doesn't understand his own powers. Don't worry. You will soon learn that you are the hero chosen by the gods.

2) The world has four sections: towns, big open fields, dungeons, and secret caves.

3) If at first your sword and shield aren't that great, don't worry: you will find a better sword and probably have to buy a nicer shield.

4) You will have to go on many missions in any game where you collect certain numbers of an object. Three medallions, five sages, three mirror shards, so on and so forth. 

5) As you collect these items, you will undoubtedly travel to the mountains, the forest, and a river and/or lake. 

6) To collect these items, you will travel to dungeons. These dungeons will have many locked doors that you will have to find keys to open. Don't worry. The keys are conveniently hidden inside chests all around the dungeon. There are also puzzles that will make you rip your hair out.

7) You will find a new awesome weapon in the dungeon that will help you beat the big boss at the end.

8) You have a horse that will come and find you when you play a magical song.

9) Oh yeah. There are lots of magical songs. 

10) There are magical animals. Like owls, wolves, mountain people, fish people... most of these are friendly.

11) There are 11,000 little secrets that you will never solve.

12) Your friends and family will say you are wasting hours and hours of your life to beat the game. You will tell them it is so worth it. Finally, you will save Princess Zelda, and in effect, the world.

The End.


Megan said...

ha my lungs hurt from laughing. Love the bit about the keys. Very funny. If you say it's worth it...
love ya

Jared Kirk said...

It is so true.
And I don't mean to get all serious or anything, but I think so many people have trouble in life because they can't figure out the rules of our universe. If only there were chests hidden strategically along the way...