- bankrupt christian -

Welcome To The World

2011-08-08T11:21:00.003-04:00

A week and a day ago, everything changed.

At 6:33pm last Sunday night, we went from being a family of three with a seven year old to a family of four with a seven year old and a newborn.

Emily was amazing, and she was only in true labor for about three or four hours, and she had to try and hold back to give the doctor time to come in when Ben was ready to make his grand appearance.

He was born at 6lbs 8 ozs, 19 inches long, and Emily, Jake, and myself were so excited to see him for the first time.

So, I want to say welcome to the world Benjamin James Gillming, my son. Your mommy and daddy can't wait to show you how much we love you!

Your brother Jake can tell you first-hand that we love him so much, and we love you too!

Signed, the lucky dad of the two most awesome boys in history!

Catching Up

2011-07-22T10:31:00.003-04:00

Hey, blog....

A year and a half, huh...?

Well.

This is awkward.

Ok, since the last time we talked, some things have happened. First of all, Jake graduated from kindergarten. And first grade. He is the most insanely well-behaved kid at school (I think because he has a mortal fear of getting in trouble). He has played two sports, baseball and soccer, and he is great at both. Maybe a little better at soccer, but eeeeeh... he's a baseball freak now, so it's ok. My dad, Jared, and I took Jake to a Marlins-Braves game in Atlanta, and ever since then he has been all about baseball. Obsessively so. It's awesome. I love the little guy, he is an amazing son to have.

I'm still married to my hot wife (You can just copy and paste that last sentence into infinity, because as long as I have any say, that fact is NOT changing). She finished working at the preschool a few months ago and she isn't going back to work in the fall. Because we are a few short days away from having our SECOND son, which is freakin' awesome. She is the most amazing mom, and we are still getting used to the idea of saying, "The four of us..." I am blessed beyond measure to have a wife like her, a best friend to do life with, a soulmate that encourages you and loves you no matter what. She is seriously looking forward to being a stay-at-home mom and doing all kinds of stuff with her boys.

As for me, the only big news is the next level worship cd, about 75% finished up. I think/hope it's going to turn out to be something really cool, and it's been a huge God thing to be able to record it at GAT3 studios with the Tabor family. Such cool people, such a huge help for this cd.

Ok, all caught up? I think that's life right now in a nutshell, so now we can go back to being friends. \\\high five\\\

A Little Surprise

2010-02-09T21:51:00.007-05:00

Emily was out tonight getting a haircut, so I decided to make a little surprise for her... to show my wonderful wife how great I think she is, to show her that I am head over heels for her.

Jake had a valentines day project for school that involved these little heart stickers, the excess of which were sitting on the table, sooo...

I made a few arrows made up of the words I LOVE YOU that made a little trail...

(As you can see, there were quite a few of these little signs, and quite a few I LOVE YOU's.)

Those little white hearts all around it were the backs of those heart stickers, which I was just going to throw away, but... I think it looks pretty cool. And I think Emily will love it here in a few minutes. So all of this leads to:

"Maybe a thousand little 'I Love You's' can mean so much more than one really big one because they take a lifetime to say."

"I promise you a lifetime of 'I Love You!"

I think she might just like this.

Terrific Kid

2010-01-25T14:21:00.002-05:00

This post from guest blogger, Jake:

"Hey! I'm the terrific kid in my class. That means I get to go to the cafeteria and get a sticker! I got it because I've been a terrific kid."

Disney Pics

2009-12-01T10:06:00.011-05:00

Right at the start of our Disney experience... so excited!

On the Buzz Lightyear ride... not the greatest picture, but it was pretty fun. Jake LOVED it...

Face painting... an integral part of the experience! Jake was a superhero that day. Does it matter that like an hour later it was a big smeared mess? Nope.

Locked up.

All of our Disney friends came by in the parade.

Outside the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. Emily said she wanted to live there. I'm pretty sure she was serious.

When you love Star Wars as much as he does, does it get any better than this?

Answer: Yes. Yes it does. For the record, he "kicked Darth Vader's butt".

The end of a great day. It was so great to be there for Em and Jake's first Disney days. It was something we will never forget for sure!

2009-10-07T17:04:00.001-04:00

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I have no questions for I know the answers.

2009-09-10T12:00:00.005-04:00

What is love if not the meeting of two broken people?

If not the only place where one can bear his entire self without fear of rejection?

If not the audible sound of a flutter inside your chest when she says, "I love you", and the tangible, very real sensation that flows from your head all the way down to your little toe?

If not the feeling that the world does not matter, that the only important thing is making sure one person is happy and taken care of?

If not the belief in Someone so much bigger, because one has to believe in God when confronted with the truth that this person exists, and more than that, this person actually loves you back?

If not the waking up after an entire life asleep?

Am I only dreaming?

And what is she if not the sound of the ocean, the sunspots on my skin, the sight of the stars, the fire in my eyes, the feel of a bed thirty feet deep, and the beating of my very heart?

What is she if not the best song I have ever heard, the sweetest line I have ever sung?

I have no questions, for I know the answers now. Finally, I know the answer. And she is an amazing and beautiful discovery. Somehow, she is my wife.

September Thoughts

2009-09-01T10:09:00.003-04:00

If you want to know what goes on in my brain:

-I am married. This is the greatest thing to ever. I love my wife and my son and I am beyond happy they actually like me and want me around.

-I am slowly becoming disillusioned about reality television. I know it's fake, but for some reason it still feels like the process of figuring out Santa isn't real.

-I am getting unpacked and settled and situated and it feels really good to get things in place. Em is a great decorator, so the house looks like an entirely new place. And that is a great thing.

-I am turning 24 on Sunday. It feels like I just turned 23, so it's really weird thinking a whole year has gone by. I have a strong feeling that 24 will be the best year yet. I have everything going for me.

-I want the Hurricanes to beat the Noles on Em's birthday. Really badly. This sounds like a stupid thought to be included with everything else here, but that is what is going on in my brain. Football. I think I have a problem.

-I am living out a unique day today. Jake's first full day of school, first tee-ball game, Em's first day at her new job. I'm excited for Em's new job and I am excited for Jake to keep on growing into an amazing person. It's cool to watch God already steering our lives in some awesome directions. It's impossible to miss God in this.

There is my brain, served hot on a silver platter. Enjoy vivid imagery.

Another Reason Why I Love Em

2009-07-20T11:43:00.002-04:00

Trying to figure out something to do last night, we think, should we rent a movie?

No, we actually wanted to hang out with each other, not just stare at the tv.

Em suggests getting a new game to play with just her and I, so we buy a $5 game of battle of the sexes. About 30 minutes and many laughs later we run out of questions.

She was way better than me, by the way.

So do we quit? No. We go to her sisters and borrow their copy of the game that has a lot more card and play until we hurt from laughing so hard at my terrible answers.

A great night... way better than watching a movie. Em is all the entertainment I can handle.

Proposal

2009-06-03T10:45:00.001-04:00

This is the song I wrote for Em for the proposal... I will probably play it at the wedding too. Or maybe just play it recorded with a video.

Anyways, it's a song I am very happy with for a number of reasons, and I wanted to share it with anyone who wanted to hear it!

Two Years

2009-05-19T09:11:00.003-04:00

As crazy as it seems, I graduated college two years ago today. At about this time two years ago, I was getting ready for my road trip with AJ, hanging with family and friends, and rejoicing like a madman that school was done forever.

Now, two years later, I am working at Next Level Church, the owner of a house, engaged to a wonderful, amazing girl, about to be a dad, and all around happy.

It has been a pretty crazy two years in between May 19, 2007, and May 19, 2009, but everything that has happened has made me a better person and enabled me to have the insanely great life that I have now.

I am looking forward to my own life, hopefully staring down my future, and excitedly pursuing those things that make my heart turn over in my chest.

Just thought you should know...

2009-05-04T14:32:00.001-04:00

I see happy everafter in your eyes.

One Good Song at a Time

2009-04-29T09:32:00.004-04:00

It seems like Jared and I both have large projects going on at the moment, although his is much more focused and will probably be done sooner. I am, over the next year, working on writing an album of worship music. I want to write it this year and record it next year.

This really isn't like a pissing contest between Jared and I, like we both have to do something to prove ourselves. On the contrary; I feel artistically satisfied when I write good music and Jared feels whole while writing and convincing people to his point of view on freedom.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the kind of music I want to write for this church, the kind of music I want to put my name on and Jesus' name on.

I just read a book about the band Wilco called "Learning How to Die". Reading this book has greatly impacted and encouraged me in ways I wasn't expecting at all. I thought it would just be a good read about a band.

Here is what is so cool about Jeff Tweedy (the heart of Wilco) as he wrote record after record: he was never satisfied to do the same thing twice and he was never satisfied doing what was expected. He has this drive that constantly pushes him to challenge peoples perceptions of what kind of music he should make.

He broke from expectations and all kinds of critically acclaimed records.

How would this apply to what I do, to the music I write? This question has been on my mind since I put the book down a few weeks ago.

The short answer is this: I want to write the kind of music that I like, the kind of music that I would want to hear, the kind of music that after listening to it I would instantly think to myself, "We need to do this at our church." Maybe it will end up being a little different than some other stuff out there. I hope it will be. I don't really care about writing a record that sells a bunch of copies or gets my name or Next Level's name out there. I just want to write a record that I am proud of. I want to write a record that will help the people of my church take the Next Step in their relationship with God in their everyday lives.

And to me, that means writing music that doesn't sound like Casting Crowns or Jeremy Camp or whoever you hear on Christian radio. I figure if I just let go and stop trying to write songs that fit into a mold, my influences will come through and that should be enough to make this record sound different than a lot of things out there. I want this thing to be a mix of the sounds of Third Eye Blind, Coldplay, Rogue Wave, Augustana, Counting Crows, Foo Fighters, Jars of Clay, Keane, Ryan Adams, Stars, and whoever else I feel like drawing on. And you know what? If I let go and let the music write itself, it's gonna happen like that.

Already, in the first song I've written since reading the book, I feel a sense of freedom, a sense that there is something different that is going to happen now because I don't want to write music that goes every way you think it should and sounds like it belongs on 91.9...

All that to say, I think this is going to be a great journey. Whenever I get overwhelmed or think I'll never fill an album with good music, I repeat my new motto to myself: You can only write one good song at a time.

New Music

2009-04-22T09:34:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I feel like the way I write music is a little peculiar. I don't sit down and strenuously work out music, like a boxer going 12 rounds with a melody and chords. Some songwriter work that way, battling the music, using their intellect and music knowledge at every turn to ensure that their songs have the best possibly melody and feel and progression and arrangement.

For me, songwriting is like a an epiphany. It is like this short, excited burst of creativity where melody and chord meet to form a song that I am usually really happy with right away. I generally don't sit down and work on all the intricacies of a song. Maybe that is why I am not an accomplished songwriter.

I'm not saying that I'm lax about it either. During that creative burst, I consider many possibilities, especially lyrically, to figure out how express a certain concept a certain way. Actually, even that isn't always accurate. Sometimes I just write words that fit with the music, to establish a mood, and then figure out what it is actually about later. It can be a pretty mysterious process for me. I am not always sure where it comes from.

Monday I was sitting at my desk in the office, picking the music for the weekend and chording out charts for the weekend, and a song hit me. Within about 30 minutes, a rough version of the song was completed. I went back later and did some lyrical changes and figured out how to arrange the whole thing, but overall, it was complete after the first go. This new song, I realized, is about our expectant excitement for God's new kingdom to come, and the realization that in many ways it is already here in the present tense. In no way did I set out to write about that. I have definitely been thinking about it since Easter, but I didn't say to myself "I should write a song about the present and future kingdom of God."

So in that sense, songwriting is, for me, a mystery. And it is a very fun one that I feel very lucky to be a part of.

A Husband and a Father

2009-04-18T12:07:00.003-04:00

People ask me sometimes if I am nervous at all about getting married and instantly being the father of a four year old son. I guess I can understand the question. I mean, most people have 9 months to get ready for being a first-time parent.

Then I think to myself: this person doesn't know Emily and Jake. If they did, this whole thing would make sense; not only making sense, marrying Emily and being Jake's dad would clearly rise as the only possible option.

Em is an amazing mom. Seriously, she loves that kid like frickin crazy and it is awesome to watch and awesome to be a part of. Jake is the coolest four year old I have ever met in my life.

It's funny... I have been notoriously bad with kids. My mom and by sisters will attest to this. Kids annoy me. Then then there as Jake, and we just clicked. It's obvious to me that I was made to be his dad. Every single day is a new adventure with him, and even the tough moments are good because I love him so much and want to help him grow up and be an amazing, Godly young man.

And marrying Em... those same people would be apt to wonder: Why get engaged so quickly? Why get married in August? I shake my head and I smile and I wonder how to possibly convey all of the wonder of this person, this love of my life, in just a few sentences. I usually just say, "When you know, you know. She's just amazing." I am insanely excited to call her my wife, and it's crazy that she actually wants me to be her husband. Seriously... anyone who knows me knows that this fact is an obvious sign of insanity, but onward she goes nonetheless.

My life is starting, and it feels better than I thought possible. I get two for the price of one. I am a very blessed guy.

Engaged!

2009-03-31T10:15:00.003-04:00

So here is how it went down. Last Friday night, I ask Em out to dinner, and she agrees, though it takes some convincing because she had a long day. She says, "You sure you want to?" And I try to casually say, "Yeah, it would be fun... (I'm proposing to you!!!)" So I pick her up and we hit the road, and I tell her that I need to stop by the church to grab a camera for a video I had to film the next day.

We pull up to the church and she says, "You need me to go in or should I just wait." I'm thinking, are you serious? I am so nervous! "Yeah, come in..."

So the lights are all on and we walk into the auditorium, and as we get towards the back I ask her to sit down for a second because I have something to show her. I go back to the booth, kill all the lights, and start a video.

The video plays on all three screens, a video that shows my favorite pictures of her and I, set to a song that I wrote. She is instantly crying.

As the song ends, the last line says, "Will you marry me", and I get down on one knee and ask if she will. She says "Of course". My hands are shaking like crazy, I can barely get the ring on. We sit in silence for a while, just smiling.

Then we watch the video again in bliss.

Updates

2009-03-11T12:26:00.002-04:00

Hmm, where to start.

First thing on my mind right now is... I miss my sister! Brittany, come home! Just kidding, have fun, but I miss you.

Church stuff is going really well. Circumstances have shifted and now I am able to focus more and more on what I really love doing, which is music and videos. I am getting back into writing, trying to really dive in and write some good stuff for the church, and so far, I am 1 for 1. We played a new song this last week, "Holy One", and it went really well. Should be a keeper.

Family life is amazing.

Relationship is amazing. Like, ridiculously great.

Things are great.

Also, I realized last night that Garden State is a really great movie. At first, it annoyed me, and now I really like it. Watchmen, not so much. Way too long and not really all that great. In my humble opinion.

Hope you enjoyed my obligatory, stale, and blandly boring post! Haha...

Em (This Girl I Love)

2009-03-04T11:09:00.003-05:00

And let me tell you 15 reasons why (out of like 15,000):

(Warning: Very sappy post. And if you don't like it, too bad!)

She...

1) is amazingly gorgeous.

2) constantly makes me laugh.

3) had the worlds coolest son.

4) likes freezing picnics.

5) thinks with her heart.

6) says unexpected things... all the time.

7) makes fun of me just enough to make sure I stay humble.

8) somehow thinks I am the most awesome person ever.

9) challenges me to grow in new ways all the time.

10) makes me a better person.

11) never lets a day go by without doing something fun.

12) is incredibly thoughtful... way way more than me.

13) is drawn to the outcasts, the outsiders, just like I am.

14) makes me crumble with her smile.

15) loves me more every single day.

There ya go. 15 out of 15,000...

Ben Folds

2009-03-02T10:54:00.002-05:00

Jared's mom scored us some second row tickets. Very very fun.

He played some classics, like Alice Childress, and some new stuff, like You Don't Know Me, and it was all awesome and hilarious and really cool. It was at a really cool venue, the Ovens Auditorium, which normally hosts things like Riverdance and Wicked, so the sound was obviously amazing.

Thanks Cathy!

Welcome Home Surprise

2009-02-24T17:40:00.000-05:00

Thoughts

2009-02-16T11:58:00.002-05:00

Well, I was trying to figure out how to say what I want to say, and I figured I'd just do it like this:

I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!!!

Hope you enjoyed that, Meg. Haha...

But seriously, things are so great. Last night we had a barbecue: Harrison, Emily, Jake, Laurie, and Binx cooking out some steaks. It was just one of those nights where every single thing in the world felt right and in place... fitting together like a puzzle.

The cool evening air, the grill going, irish red in hand, a fire howling in the fire pit... one of those moments that just makes you step outside yourself and realize how blessed you are. Add in Jake screaming at Binx whenever he got too close to the fire (and screaming at me when I tried to warm up my feet) and it was all hilariously perfect.

Life is just good.

Coldplay

2009-02-09T12:32:00.000-05:00

An amazing video on Coldplay from 60 Minutes... a must watch!

Watch CBS Videos Online

Rock N Roll

2009-02-07T18:05:00.002-05:00

This pretty much defines it...

Snowy Night

2009-02-04T01:26:00.003-05:00

This is the view from my front porch right now. I couldn't sleep once I got back from Em's tonight, so I decided to sit in my rocking chair on the front porch and watch the snow rapidly fall. I'm not sure why I am so awake... I played with Binx for like 45 minutes right before I left, after I took him outside for his doggy business, while Em and Jake were sleeping, so maybe he got me all wound up. I absolutely love that dog, by the way. Yes, a dog can evoke deep emotions in me. I mean, this is one cool dog.

So here is the current scene: snow is drifting down. I am listening to the new Fray album. I am rocking in my rocking chair and enjoying a slow smoke. I am reading a book about Einstein and Bohr and Heisenburg and the development of quantum theory (what happens inside the atom, basically, the movement of electrons and whatnot), and it it a wholly fascinating book. I am thinking about how great it feels to be in love with a girl. I am thinking about how amazing my life is right now, how incredibly blessed I am.

Can you spell out perfection in fewer words?

Life is Good

2009-02-01T19:17:00.002-05:00

My new year's resolution has been holding up so far. I resolved that this year I would feel better about life, no matter what the circumstances are. I realized last year that stuff happens, things out of our control, and while I can't control what happens, I can control how I respond to it.

It has been an amazing January. Things have been perfect by no means; our country is in a recession and the church has felt it deeply. Some circumstances have been tough.

But I am blessed. God has given me much more than I deserve. Every day is a gift, one more that I want to live and take full advantage of.

No matter what happens, there is a choice. There is always a choice, even if it changes nothing except how you feel about what happens. It's a pretty cool thing.

So there is this girl...

2009-01-26T10:32:00.002-05:00

And she is pretty much the best.

The Fountain

2009-01-21T19:27:00.009-05:00

It seems that most of my favorite films are movies that are very ambitious and generally poorly reviewed. My new favorite film is The Fountain, which is an epic sci-fi film starring Hugh Jackman.

I am understanding that my current favorites have a common theme: each one of them is more of an abstract movie with multiple interpretations, not just a point a to point b cliche movie.

I want to dive into The Fountain more and explain why I like it so much, but I think I'm going to reflect on it a little bit longer before I post my thoughts so they will make more sense.

Ok, I have waited a few days and I am ready to attempt why I like this movie so much. It's central philosophy is one that I disagree with, so that makes it even stranger that I like it as much as I do. I don't have to agree with it to appreciate it's beauty.

The movie is set in three different times and places, spanning a thousand years. There are three plot lines that are loosely connected.

Plot one finds Thomas the conquistador searching for the tree of life to free Spain from oppression and to save the life of Queen Isabella.

Plot two is about a scientist named Tommy who is working frantically to find a cure for his wife's Izzy's brain tumor.

Plot three takes place in a futuristic spaceship that looks like a bubble. Future Thomas is trying desperately to get the tree to this nebula called Xibalba so that it can be reborn, so that it can be saved from death.

The movie is about the idea that everything is connected, that life is transitory, that everything is one in a sense. Each plot finds Thomas trying to save Izzy from death, only to find that death is unescapable. What is great about the movie is the way it unfolds. The entire time, it is unclear if any or all of the plots are really happening. The central plot seems to be plot two, the one set in the present. There is something wholly beautiful about the idea that everything is connected, as revelations flow from plot line to plot line. The effects are wonderful and the acting is great. Overall, a magnificent, scattered, and abstract movie.

New

2009-01-19T10:37:00.003-05:00

I was thinking about a fact that, to me, seems to show that God really is a God of love and redemption. The fact is this: every person, no matter what they have been through, no matter where they are in life, no matter if they follow God or go their own way, every person has a chance for a new beginning at any moment.

A chance for a new thing.

Sadly, a movie quote, not a bible verse, is the first thing that pops into my mind here. It's a quote from Vanilla Sky, where Sophia says "Every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around."

It was Jesus' main message too. He said that anyone could come to Him and find a new life, a new beginning.

It just seems such a beautiful thing to me all of a sudden... the whole world can change one choice at a time. Anyone can start again.

Some Thoughts

2009-01-03T19:15:00.003-05:00

First, anyone who links you to a youtube video that features Jordin Sparks is not to be trusted. And I mean on a personal level. That is a breach of youtube trust.

Second, it is so peculiar that it is 2009; I mean, we are only six years away from 2015, the year in which (supposedly) Jaws 19 comes out, hover-boards are common, and we can enjoy rehydrated pizza from Pizza Hut in mere seconds. I have my doubts about our ability to reach any of these milestones which leads me to wonder if Doc Brown was a compulsive liar. I shouldn't be too disappointed, though... mankind has invented the Wii.

New Year

2009-01-01T23:40:00.001-05:00

So this is the new year.

I actually do feel different.

In a good way.

Resume

2009-01-01T14:41:00.002-05:00

Time to resume posting. I've been out of the loop for too long...

I'm currently watching Metallica's "Some Kind of Monster", which is dreadfully intriguing. If you ever want to watch a world class rock band going through rehab together, rent this one. It's crazy...

Shoot. I am forcing this. Oh well, gotta start somewhere.

Oops

2008-12-23T10:06:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the lag in posts... I am busy! New building opens tomorrow night and we're going full speed to get ready in time.

Come see us tomorrow night, 7pm...

On Being in a Relationship

2008-12-12T19:22:00.003-05:00

If only I could say it as well as Jack Kerouac...

"...she would never understand me because I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."

Current Music and Books

2008-12-08T10:48:00.002-05:00

A quick post to let you, the reader, know what I'm listening to and reading nowadays. I'm sure you're quite enthused to be hearing this valued information.

Listening to:

Rogue Wave (Out of the Shadow and Asleep at Heaven's Gate)

Elliott Smith (ALL Elliott...)

Keane (Perfect Symmetry)

Coldplay (Viva la Vida)

Greg Laswell

Augustana

Oh No, Oh My

Ben Folds (Way to Normal)

Reading:

On the Road- Jack Kerouac

The Bodies Left Behind- Jeffery Deaver

Duma Key- Stephen King

Can't Sleep

2008-12-04T02:37:00.005-05:00

-Music is the color on the paintbrush of life. It beautifully shades our perception of the world with wonderful, broad, sweeping strokes.

-True love is an absolutely incredible thing. I desperately want to recapture some of my naiveté. I want to look at someone and say, "You are the reason the sun shines." I want to believe her, whoever she is, believe her all the way down to my core when she tells me, "Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."

Good quote, Kerouac: "...the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everyone goes "Awww!""

Thoughts

2008-12-02T21:31:00.002-05:00

I've octupled my investment on Full Tilt. Sweetness. New drum set here come.

Have to go back for more jury duty stuff tomorrow. Life is way too busy for jury duty. Though it is pretty interesting...

Shawn and I brewed again, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. We were much more careful this time so hopefully it turns out great.

I'm learning to expect the unexpected. Wait... after I wrote that I realized that phrase doesn't make any sense... You can't possibly expect the unexpected... it's a contradiction in terms. What a dumb phrase. What I mean is, things never turn out quite like you think.

When it comes to thinking about the past, we all stack the deck. Some more than others. Myself more than others.

Finally, I'm about to watch "Wanted" and am excited about watching bending bullets.

The end of this crappy post.

Unusual Optimism

2008-11-17T09:32:00.003-05:00

I went to bed last night not feeling well, a little depressed and a little spent. Then, inexplicably, I woke up this morning absolutely energized, and I couldn't stop thinking, "Today is a new day". That thought made me feel great; a new day to get it right.

Rogue Wave:

2008-11-17T00:37:00.003-05:00

"a snapshot of time

it just a memory of mine

I will file it in a vial

of denial

and cast away

so what's next?"

Discord

2008-11-14T10:29:00.004-05:00

The gray of this sky

Perfectly constrains my hope

No room to squeeze out

No room at the seams

A symphony

Discordant

Chaotic

And still

Somehow bland

The kind of anarchy

That no one cares enough

to stop

So we let it play on

Play on

Until our ears are red

And our dreams are dull

A New Video...

2008-11-10T19:04:00.002-05:00

Uh-oh... Jared and I were once again set free to make a video. Check it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN8n-yTEe9M

A General Update, I Suppose

2008-11-08T16:13:00.002-05:00

Life has been quite busy this last few weeks. We switched to a new video presentation system for our video campuses and it has been insane getting it all implemented. The system is called ProVideoSync by a company called Renewed Vision. It really is fascinating a fascinating system. I'm still figuring out how to get it all up and running at 100% capacity, but I am getting close. Needless to say, I've never worked as many hours in a job as I have the last 14 days or so. I just need to remember the greater purpose of why I am working so hard at this whenever I get discouraged.

I've reconnected with an old friend this last week, which is a great joy. Though it sucks when you want to hang out with someone and they are literally a thousand miles away.

Shawn and Brit are up in Michigan for a week, so I have the house to myself for a week, which I actually don't like that much. I like having a roommate. I like having people in the house, for the most part.

Our Irish Red is done brewing and all bottled up, but it doesn't taste quite right. We might have done something wrong...

Ok, I think that is all of the interesting stuff going on in my life right now... Hope you enjoyed the update...

Election Headache

2008-11-04T10:56:00.002-05:00

I think I am not the only one who will be relieved one way or the other when this election stuff is over...

Insomnia (In a Writing Mood)

2008-10-28T00:04:00.012-04:00

Well, I should be sleeping, or at least trying to sleep, but I am in a writing mood, so you get to hear my random thoughts from the last couple days.

First, I am kind of excited that I've found my "center" again. I have kind of been losing my focus when it comes to spirituality. Sometimes when you are in ministry, doing church stuff day in and day out, you lose your axis and begin to drift a little bit. I woke up one day and realized that I was "doing" for the sake of doing, which can be a scary thought, because you have a difficult time when you work so hard and can't quite remember the reason why you're busting your tail.

Here is what centered me: my Dad was talking about some story he read about a "Christian" guy who made a living picketing the funerals of soldiers, holding signs saying "God Hates Fags". There was even an interview with the guys young kids, and they were spitting out the same hateful stuff. It took something like that to kick up my... righteous anger, I guess you would call it...? In any case, I found my center by remembering what I am not, and what I absolutely don't stand for, which reminded me of what I am passionate about: seeing Christ's love in the world in a tangible way, seeing the body of Christ work together to change the perception of Christians as hateful, judgmental idiots.

I realized that Next Level is exactly where I want to be because they are a people dedicated to giving themselves away. I know that sounds like an ad for Next Level Church, but I have nobody to impress with this writing, no agenda to push. I simply realized that I love what this church stands for, and for this church I will work many tireless, frustrating days as they come (and the good days come as well). This seems especially true and helpful today because it was a flat-out tough day. I am trying to get our campuses set up with nice, high quality video teaching, and right now, everything is frustrating and not working right, and it makes for a very long day. It's great remembering at the end of the day that while I'm tired and worn out, my efforts are not in vain, and the mission is not pointless.

My second random thought is that I was reminded again tonight of how much I need my family. They keep me grounded and sane. Seriously. Today sucked. It was a bad work day. I decided to go over and hang with my parents, Shawn, and Brit, and it was a beyond excellent decision. Being with them is so much better than being in this house alone. It helps me keep my life in perspective. It helps me remember what is important in the long run. My mother especially helps me with this. On any given bad day, she can be counted on to bring me back to earth and out of my mile-high funk. She talks me down and helps me remember that I am loved, supported, talented, and that if something is going wrong it will only be a matter of time before it is right again. Having people like that in my life is a gift worth more than any price-tag could estimate. If I was counting the biggest tangible blessings that God has given me over the course of my life, my family is undoubtedly at the top of the list. Without them... I shudder to think about where I'd be. I probably owe my life to them.

Lastly, I was thinking while I was driving home last night (and yes, the three thoughts of this post are in backwards chronological order): I have a tough time feeling alone. It was like a 10 minute car ride and I just wanted to talk to someone, anyone... but for once, I decided to resist the urge to call anybody because once I realized how much I felt like I needed some kind of contact, some kind of connection or affirmation, it just made me feel kind of dependent. In the least sob-story way possible, I am forcing myself to be okay with the idea that I could just as easily be single for a while as I could be in some kind of relationship. Basically, I am trying to figure out how to be my own person again, independent of the changing relational tides, floating free in my own sea of identity. That seems like a bad analogy on the surface, a "sea of identity", but there are many times where I do feel like I am bobbing and swaying and floating, trying to figure out who I am seeing in the mirror. I guess the point of this thought is that I am, if only in my mind and the way that I approach my thought life, battening down the hatches and preparing for being single, unattached to another person, free from any relationship. I feel like I need to live my life free of any internal pressure or expectation and simply be content and happy being me, apart from any relationship. Even the thought of actually reaching this point of comfortability inside my own skin is an exciting prospect. I wouldn't call this point in my life, as John Mayer said it, a "quarter-life-crisis", but it has certainly been the most emotionally tumultuous year of my life. I don't have my stuff together a lot of the time. I need to find a new groove, I think.

There is my brain. It feels good to get all that written and out there, even though a blog seems an odd place to vent such thoughts. My hope is always this: maybe by being open about my own life and thoughts and feelings, someone else will feel what David Crowder said so well: "You are not the only one who feels like the only one."

I Love My Job Sometimes

2008-10-23T14:34:00.002-04:00

Am I proud of what I do? The answer should be simple...

Check this out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZwVN1DFciQ

Meg's Wedding

2008-10-20T09:29:00.005-04:00

Well, my sister Megan got married on Saturday. It was an absolutely wonderful wedding, and it was perfectly Megan all the way through. The ceremony was in this garden, with flowers all around, and she and Matt stood in front of a beautiful gazebo.

There were rose petals all down the brick path, and it looked like some old, Victorian scene. I was standing across from my other sister, Brittany, the maid of honor, and she looked like she was literally about to explode with joy and sisterly pride.

After the reception, which was great (funfetti cake and ham biscuits can make any event a hit), Megan and Matt Allen walked out the front door of the Victorian Crow's Nest to start their new life, past the barrage of rose petals and bubbles from their friends and family. It was truly a great day. Congrats Megan and Matt!

A Short Love Story in Stop Motion

2008-10-14T08:38:00.003-04:00

Mauricio brought this great video to my attention and I thought I would pass it on. Here is the amazing thing: Carlos Lascano made this stop motion animation video using mostly cardboard, wires, and wood.

Click here to read more about the making of this video. I would suggest checking it out before you watch... makes it more incredible.

A SHORT LOVE STORY IN STOP MOTION from Carlos Lascano on Vimeo.

Crazy Dream

2008-10-08T22:45:00.002-04:00

I had the weirdest, most thought provoking dream the other night. I'll attempt to explain it the best way I can, but it was one of those things that... I dunno, maybe it only makes sense in that post-dream stupor.

In the dream, I was waking up from a coma, a seven year coma. I remember first thinking, I can't believe this. I'm thirty years old. All of a sudden, I am thirty years old. Like, I just went to sleep, and I woke up seven years older, and my face looked different.

Then, I thought to myself, I should ask my dad who won the world series and college football national championships while I was out of it. I guess that shows you, even in my dreams, that I am kind of obsessed with sports in my own way.

Finally, the really crazy thought: Every I care about, besides my family, has long since moved past me. I've been dead to them for seven years. I mean, imagine this... you go to sleep, you wake up, and every relationship feels the same to you in your waking state as it did when you went into the coma. You would pick up the phone to call a good friend, and after you discovered the number had changes, maybe when you tracked him or her down, you would not be good friends anymore. In the blink of an eye, that person would be completely past you, with a new life and new... past. A whole life you know nothing about. I remember, in the dream, being completely saddened by this thought.

Awake enough to know that you're gone.

And then I woke up and lay awake for quite a while. I hope I conveyed that in a way that made sense. It was just a really odd thought.

Quite a dream, huh?

Easy

2008-10-05T00:01:00.002-04:00

I guess it's too much to ask for things to be easy and simple and not complicated inside my brain.

And that concludes another brilliant thought by Harrison Gillming.

Family Life

2008-09-30T21:02:00.001-04:00

Well...

Brit is engaged.

Both my sisters are engaged.

Those crazy Gillming girls!

From Sylvia's Journals

2008-09-20T10:40:00.003-04:00

"… such a minute fraction of this life do we live: so much is sleep, tooth-brushing, waiting for mail, for metamorphosis, for those sudden moments of incandescence: unexpected, but once one knows them, one can live life in the light of their past and the hope of their future."

Across the Universe

2008-09-15T13:43:00.004-04:00

If you love music and great film, you need to see Across the Universe. It is an amazing musical set in the late 60's, and the music of the Beatles plays an integral part of telling the story. Jim Sturgess plays the lead character, Jude, and he does a great job both acting and singing. This is definitely a Top 10 movie for me, so I feel obliged to pass on the info to whoever cares.

Go see Across the Universe. It is a little weird, a little trippy, but see it.

Life as of Late

2008-09-13T20:46:00.002-04:00

Lynchburg was a blast. What a great time, seeing friends, being able to check out Campus Church...

Tomorrow is a big day. I am praying for God to work in a big way in the hearts of the people of Next Level Church... It is a cool but scary feeling to know that EVERYTHING rests entirely on God on this one.

Be praying!

Busy!

2008-09-09T20:11:00.003-04:00

Well, this week has had a insane start, but it's all going to be worth it soon. First off, it's just an exciting season that we are in as a church: Give Love Away. We are all asking God to step up in a big way and blow our expectations out of the water. Second, it is going to be great to unplug and get away for a little bit here soon.

That is my life for now. I am off; my book about black holes is summoning me. Don't even get me started because I will excitedly talk your ear off about singularities and event horizons and the fabric of space-time.

23

2008-09-05T16:28:00.002-04:00

For the first time I think, I have wrestled with this upcoming birthday, this marker of age. I've kind of gone back and forth, being ok with it and being a little bummed. It can be tempting to look back and say, "I'm 23 and I have this great sting of disastrous relationships to show for it." But I think I've landed on this thought: your past you can't change. Your present should be accepted and enjoyed for what it is. Your future is yet to be written. Those are pretty cool thoughts to me. They have helped me feel a little bit more sane lately, and now I think I am excited for tomorrow, if for no other reason than it will be a fun day with family and friends.

Here's to this next year being better than the last! (It's not gonna be too hard... haha.)

Another Night Drive

2008-08-30T22:30:00.006-04:00

The windows are down and the cool air rushes by, invisibly tracing my fingers as I draw the air outside. Sound waves leave my speakers and are interpreted as beauty by my brain. The music and the words combine to paint a picture of happiness directly onto my chest. Chills sweep me all the way down to my toes as I realize that every road I pass feels like, should I follow, it will take me to wondrous places. These are the very same roads that felt like dead ends such a short time ago. It is like the world is bursting with the colorful glow of possibilities. Nothing is concrete. Everything is static in the best of ways. There is no sorrow, no fear.

All of these feelings and sensations merge together to form a simple happiness.

I realize that there is a smile growing on my lips and I do nothing to slow its progress.

---------------------------------------

It's kind of how I feel when I see this, my favorite painting of all time, courtesy of Mr. van Gogh.

Great Scene

2008-08-26T11:13:00.000-04:00

{Joel calls Clem on the phone}

Clementine: What took you so long?

Joel: I just walked in.

Clementine: Do you miss me?

Joel: Oddly enough, I do...

Clementine: You said "I do" - I guess that means we're married!

Joel: I guess so!

(p.s. - the music that plays in this scene is absolutely phenomenal.)

Donnie Darko

2008-08-25T11:06:00.003-04:00

Well, I watched the movie Donnie Darko again and I think I actually understood it. Kind of.

I mean, as much as you can understand a movie about a schizophrenic kid who sees a terrifying demon bunny rabbit hallucination.

But it is actually a really cool movie, a movie that makes you think a lot about life. And it is kind of about time travel too, and since I am a dork, that's pretty cool...

Point is, if you like weird movies, watch Donnie Darko. Jake Gyllenhaal is really good in it.

Resolution

2008-08-23T23:39:00.002-04:00

The chips have fallen
The cards are out
The answer is revealed
And I am the second man
As was expected

This is all
a part of
a greater Plan

Of that
I am sure

Challenge and Satisfaction

2008-08-20T13:37:00.003-04:00

More often than not, I would prefer to be challenged. I would rather have new, different, difficult things to work on than to keep repeating the same old stuff.

That said, over the next thirty days, I have calculated that I have twenty-two videos to film and edit, and three of those will be compiled and mass-produced in DVD form.

-Ten of those are interview videos for the new series "Give Love Away".

-Six of those are videos that will be shown September 7th, 14th, and 21st on our two campuses.

-Three of those are for the DVD. Those will be production videos highlighting the different parts of "Give Love Away".

-Three of those are the standard series' videos. There is a pre-teaching video, a countdown, and a promo video.

-Hopefully I will be able to look back after this immense challenge and smile with satisfaction.

At least I'm not bored... now if I just had THIS rig...

Cute

2008-08-18T10:17:00.002-04:00

If I was ever gonna adopt a kid... haha...

{-}

2008-08-13T15:49:00.002-04:00

Matthew 10:39- "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Easier and Harder

2008-08-12T22:04:00.002-04:00

Some times are easier. Some are harder.

Right now, it's harder.

I'm praying for God to save the day, as usual.

There is always that hope, that one great love: Jesus.

Hope

2008-08-11T19:27:00.001-04:00

It will all work out. With our God, there is always hope.

I wrote a song for the church today...

Here is a demo version. And when I say demo, I mean this is the "Things I have in My House" arrangement.

Very demo. It's called "Give Love Away". Whatcha think?

Encouragement

2008-08-10T15:45:00.003-04:00

I listened to the most amazing teaching yesterday from Mack Driscoll, the pastor out at Mars Hill Church is Seattle. He is a fantastic communicator and a godly teacher, a guy whose constant message is this: grow closer to Jesus, fall more in love with Jesus, it's all about Jesus.

Very cool stuff. If you get a chance, grab their free podcast.

The Great Romance

2008-08-06T18:42:00.002-04:00

I suppose at times like these it is an immense comfort to know that I am inexorably pursued by the Great Giver, the author of the Great Romance, the Romance of my soul.

Advice from Ben

2008-08-04T10:02:00.003-04:00

"Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."

Update from Antigua part 2

2008-08-01T16:04:00.003-04:00

Add to the previous list:

Hiked an active volcano. With lava and everything.

Pacaya Volcano- click here.

Update from Antigua

2008-07-28T23:42:00.002-04:00

There is obviously so so much to tell, but I will stick to the bare bones for now...

We have:

Helped build houses

Torn down a shed

Dug a sweet hole

Mixed concrete

Visited two orphanages, one of them for handicapped kids

Watched our friend Mark do his street-witnessing

Met twenty-something new friends on something called "The World Race"

Tried to avoid drinking the water

Been eating authentic Guatemalan food

Extensively used the public transportation system (Chici-bus!!!)

One great snapshot from today (no context provided): Me riding in a truck with two Guatemalans who speak no English. We are driving down the streets of Antigua laughing and dancing to KC and the Sunshine Band, which is cranked in the truck's not-so-great sound system... Awesome. Wish I had it on video.

More to come! God is really moving here...

Guatemala

2008-07-22T12:45:00.003-04:00

To whoever reads this blog:

Pray for Me, Britt, Shawn, Kaci, and Steve for the next seven days as we're gonna be in Guatemala on a missions trip!

We will be working in Antigua, Guatemala, and while there we will spend time at an orphanage for handicapped kids, local churches, and organizations designed to build homes for the impoverished.

Updates are sure to come!

Weakness

2008-07-18T23:28:00.007-04:00

Well, I made a permanent change to my body this week that will affect me forever. Just another week. I am so supremely excited about it. I'm speaking of my new tattoo, of course.

Earlier this week, I went down to Ink Link. Here are some pictures of me getting the tattoo.

I tried not to show my pain.

The tattoo in in Greek, and it says "asthenia", which means weakness. It's from 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul advises us to boast in our weakness so that the strength of Christ will be more evident in us.

The finished product:

Weird Mood

2008-07-14T09:31:00.002-04:00

I asked Megan if she has ever read Irresistible Revolution, and she said no. She said that it does weird things to Brit and I when we read it, and I guess that's true.

Whenever I get challenged about my materialism, like I often do while reading Shane Claiborne, I get a little... weird, I guess. I have an aversion to comfort. I look through all the stuff at my house and see if there if anything I can give/throw away. It's like I won't sleep well if I know I have boxes and boxes full of useless junk. I feel minimalistic. I want to go serve broken people. I have this battle in myself: my selfishness and sin vs. my burning desire to be set apart.

It is a scary and exciting journey.

Deleted

2008-07-12T17:51:00.002-04:00

My facebook account is officially deleted, so if anyone reads this blog at all, I guess it's my only online contact to the world.

Q: Why did I delete my facebook account?

A: Who the hell needs facebook?

The end. Aaaaaaah.

Kingdom of Comfort

2008-07-11T23:27:00.003-04:00

Well, I finally picked up Shane Claiborne's new book off my shelf, brushed off the dust, and dove in. The reason it has been sitting and acquiring dust for a few months is the same reason Irresistible Revolution sat on my shelf for a year before I picked it up. I knew what challenges lie inside. I don't know what I am so afraid of... I feel more "right" and more "true" when I live counter-intuitively, when I challenge the status quo.

I am excited right now. I am a part of a church who thrives on giving themselves away and now, as a leader of the church, I will be able to learn more about what it means to give yourself away in a truly revolutionary way; the way of Christ. I am even more excited because I have someone keeping me accountable just by their very presence in my life, a person who leads me by example, a person who agrees with my assessment that "things" kind of suck, a person whose heart speaks volumes about what love means.

Words from a new Delirious song, "Kingdom of Comfort"-

"Save me

Save me

From this kingdom of comfort where I am king

From my unhealthy lust of material things"

I'll be sure to post my thoughts on the book Jesus for President as I go...

Order

2008-07-08T21:51:00.003-04:00

How wonderful is the feeling that everything is okay, everything is in order, everything is happening exactly as it needs to be happening?

How great is that deep intuition that says "Yes, you might not know what your next step will be, you don't know exactly where your feet will land, but rest assured. It's gonna be okay. In fact, more than okay, it's going to be perfect."

How blissful is that?

How amazing?

There is order in the chaos. There is beauty in the breakdown.

New

2008-06-30T21:31:00.002-04:00

I highly recommend the new Iron and Wine cd.

That's it, that's my whole post.

The end.

What It's All About (it's not the hokey-pokey)

2008-06-28T21:13:00.004-04:00

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God's word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump", and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

1 Cor. 13

Poem

2008-06-22T21:32:00.001-04:00

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd

Changes

2008-06-21T17:51:00.003-04:00

Blogging can be strange sometimes, especially due to the fact that you don't really know who reads your stuff. Therefore, I have a few things to say about my life, cryptically.

Some old things won't leave me alone and are causing frustration.

Some new things are causing fun and anticipation.

Some regular things are back to normal, finally.

Some things have changed, some have stayed exactly the same.

I am okay with all of the changes.

There's no regret.

The End. If anyone understands a single word of that post, congratulations. I don't even understand it. I just felt like writing.

The Weepies

2008-06-16T10:14:00.002-04:00

You and me, walk on, walk on, walk on

Cause you can't go back now

Go where you wanna go

Be what you wanna be

And if you ever turn around

You'll see me

Quote of the Day

2008-06-12T13:02:00.002-04:00

So many to choose from, the the winning exchange must be this:

---------------------

H: My life DVD would be boring. No one would want to see it. . . . but it would have a great soundtrack!

J: ... Well, at least that's something...

(awkward seconds pass)

H: I wanna see my deleted scenes.

J: Like the stuff too bad for the regular version?

H: Yeah. Like the unrated version. Wait. No one would want to see that one even more...

----------------------------

Endings

2008-06-11T10:05:00.001-04:00

By definition, every ending is a beginning as well.

One phase of life done, another one beginning.

Night Drive

2008-06-07T23:09:00.003-04:00

If someone knows exactly what it is about a night drive, with stars dancing and moon glowing, with windows down and music playing, that whispers to the soul Every thing will be alright, please inform me. Actually, never mind. I don't want to know.

The majesty is bundled in the mystery.

This post inspired by:

Art- Penny Lane Mural

Music- Augustana

Scenery- Creator of the Universe

June 2

2008-06-02T10:39:00.003-04:00

Some random thoughts:

It feels completely insane that it is June already... we are almost half-way through 2008.

I need to record some more music soon.

Also, I might be buying a house soon. That is terrifying but cool.

Eternal Sunshine is my favorite movie ever. The music from that movie is the music you hear playing now, music from my favorite scene.

I am happy.

I am in repair.

The end.

I Heart Futurama

2008-05-21T11:45:00.002-04:00

Leela: Come on, little Poppler. Say mama!

Fry: Look, Leela. Even if you've heard one talk, that doesn't mean it's intelligent. I mean, parrots talk. And we eat them, right?

Bender: Yeah! Maybe it just learned to talk as a parlour trick. Like Fry.

Fry: Like Fry! Like Fry!

Good Scene (from "Stranger Then Fiction")

2008-05-17T21:51:00.001-04:00

Harold Crick: [Runs to Ana the baker with a box of 10 paper bags in it] I'm glad I caught you. I wanted to give you these.

Ana Pascal: Wait, you can give presents, but not receive them? That sounds awfully inconsistent, Mr. Crick.

Harold: Yes, but...

Ana: Wait, I know, I'll purchase them! Yeah, I'll purchase them.
[Reaches into her bag to grab her wallet]

Harold: No, no, no, no.

Ana: [With wallet in hand, stops to actually look at the box] What are they?

Harold: [quietly] Flours.

Ana: What?

Harold: I brought you flours.

Ana: [See the sweetness of the gesture, then realizing he's carried 10 bags of flours] Wait, you carried them all the way here?

Harold: Miss Pascal, I've been odd. I know I've been odd, and I know that there are many forces at work telling me to bring these down here to you, but I brought these for you because... I want you.

Ana: [a bit taken aback, and ready to be really offended] Excuse me?

Harold: I want you.

Ana: You want me?

Harold: In no uncertain terms.

Ana: [realizing that he's really not being a creep and just a guy who's not used to saying what he feels] But isn't there some... I don't rule about fraternization...

Harold: Auditor / Auditee protocols, yes, but I don't care.

Ana: Why not?

Harold: Because I want you.

Ana: [Contemplates him for a second, and looks back at the box] Can you carry those a little bit further.

Harold: Okay.

Ana: [as their walking with Harold carrying the box of color flagged bags of flour] So did you make a key?

Harold: Uh no I just committed it to memory. The blue, that-that's barley flour.

Ana: What's that one?

Harold: The orange?

Ana: Yeah.

Harold: I forget.
[Ana laughs, and they stop in front of a building]

Ana: Right here.

Harold: [he looks up at the building] Oh.

Ana: Do you wanna come up?

Harold: To your place?

Ana: Yeah.

Harold: Uh, I guess. I could.

Ana: Wasn't that the idea, with the flours and everything?

Harold: Honestly, I had only figured it out up to, 'I want you.'

Ana: Listen, Mr. Crick, I think I like you. And before I do anything rash, I'd like to make sure. I'd like you to come up.

Harold: I'd be honored.

Ana: Great.

Break

2008-05-03T19:04:00.001-04:00

I am taking a computer break for about a month, so no updates. Catch ya later!

Mario Kart Wii

2008-05-01T08:39:00.003-04:00

Just in case you were wondering what the best game ever for the Nintendo Wii is, it's the new Mario Kart game. It is so ridiculously fun, all the things that made the old game great, plus the fun of feeling like you are actually driving thanks to the steering wheel that the controller fits into. Anyways, it's freakin' sweet. The End.

Rhodes

2008-04-26T21:13:00.003-04:00

I think I am gonna buy this Rhodes piano with my tax rebate...

Musical Joy

2008-04-23T11:17:00.000-04:00

A new album by the Weepies released yesterday. Fantastic.

Vegas

2008-04-20T21:41:00.003-04:00

It isn't often that I laugh out loud reading books. This passage from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" had me going for some reason, so I thought I'd share it...

   The Circus-Circus is what the whole hip world would be doing on a Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This is the Sixth Reich. The ground floor is full of gambling tables, like all the other casinos... but the place is about four stories high, in the style of a circus tent, and all manner of strange County-Fair/Polish Carnival madness is going on up in this space. Right above the gambling tables the Forty Flying Carazito Brothers are doing a high-wire trapeze act, along with four muzzled Wolverines and the Six Nymphet Sisters from San Diego... so you're down on the main floor playing blackjack, and the stakes are getting high when suddenly you chance to look up, and there, right smack above your head is a half naked fourteen-year-old girl being chased through the air by a snarling wolverine, which is suddenly locked in a death battle with two silver-painted Polacks who come swinging down from opposite balconies and meet in mid-air on the wolverine's neck... both seize the animal as they fall straight down toward the crap tables- but they bounce off the net; they separate and spring back towards the roof in three different directions, and just as they are about to fall again they are grabbed out of the air by three Korean Kittens and trapezed off to one of the balconies.
   The madness goes on and on, but nobody seems to notice. The gambling action runs twenty-four hours a day on the main floor, and the circus never ends. Meanwhile, on all the upstairs balconies, the customers are being hustled by every conceivable kind of bizarre shuck. All kinds of funhouse-type booths. Shoot the nipples off a ten-foot bull and win a cotton-candy goat. Stand in front of this fantastic machine, my friend, and for just 99 cents your likeness will appear, two hundred feet tall, on a screen above downtown Las Vegas. Ninety-nine cents more for a voice message. "Say whatever you want, fella. They'll hear you, don't worry about that. Remember you'll be two hundred feet tall."
   I could see myself lying in bed at the Mint Hotel, half asleep and staring idly out the window, when suddenly a vicious nazi drunkard appears two hundred feet tall in the midnight sky, screaming gibberish at the world: "Woodstock Uber Alles!"
   We will close the drapes tonight. A thing like that could send a drug person careening around the room like a ping-pong ball. Hallucinations are bad enough. But after a while you learn to cope with things like seeing your dead grandmother crawling up your leg with a knife in her teeth. Most acid fanciers can handle this sort of thing.
   But nobody can handle that other trip- the possibility that any freak with $1.98 can walk into the Circus-Circus and suddenly appear in the sky over downtown Las Vegas twelve times the size of God, howling anything that comes into his head. No, this is not a good town for psychedelic drugs. Reality itself is too twisted.

Haha... how great is that. I wish I was that creative...

From Duritz

2008-04-19T22:36:00.002-04:00

How can Adam Duritz put it into words so well? I have felt like this for six months...

"I'm coming along real good
But I still can't do most of the things I should
I watch the sky coming down to bury me...
And I can't stop this crawling out of my skin
I know that you see yourself flying in out of the sky
Coming down to carry me but I won't come out

So if you think you need to go
If you wanted to be free
There's one thing you need to know
And that's that you can't count on me"

Why Blog?

2008-04-15T10:19:00.004-04:00

As I met with Dr. Hooper yesterday, she asked me some questions about something I don't really question anymore. I told her about this blog and she asked why I share my thoughts in such a public forum. As of April 6, 2005, I have been blogging pretty regularly. I have written somewhere around 450 posts, enough random thoughts to fill a short book. So why do I do it?

The only reason I could come up with at first is that I always have. It's something I've always used to keep me writing because I like writing.

Then I thought more about it. I was able to figure it out, I think. Over the last few months, I have written, recorded, and publicly posted some songs. The reason I do that is the same reason I blog: because I can and because I like to. Not to impress anyone or anything, but because I feel like it, and if someone benefits from my songs or my thoughts, great. If not, whatever.

And that is why I blog. I don't think I explained that very well. Ah, I'm tired of explaining.

Thought.

2008-04-07T21:55:00.001-04:00

I suppose hope is the antidote for depression.

Gray

2008-04-01T10:57:00.001-04:00

Wishing that something would happen
A change in this place
cos Im tearing off the fancy wrapping
Find an empty package

Angry sun burn down
Judging us all
Guilty of neglect and disrespect
And thinking small

And death by boredom
And death by greed
If we cant stop taking
More than we need

But across the fractured landscape
I see the same things
Tired ideas
Birds without wings

The Movie Bracket

2008-03-28T11:37:00.006-04:00

I am a pretty big fan of film, so when LD sent me this movie bracket (especially during this March Madness season), I was very intrigued.

Here is the first quarter of the bracket...

Well, here are my first round picks.

#1 LOTR vs. #16 North Country

Winner: LOTR. The number one seed easily cruises past Charlize Theron's courtroom drama. They're a number one seed for a reason...

#8 Cider House Rules vs. #9 The Fountain

Winner: Cider House Rules. In a close match-up, Cider House rules takes down The Fountain. Who can say no to orphanage kids?

#5 American Beauty vs. #12 Schindler's List

Winner: Schindler's List. This isn't even an upset in my book. American Beauty must have gotten an Oscar hype at-large bid...

#4 The Big Lebowski vs. #13 Star Wars

Winner: Star Wars. Come on, it's a freakin classic. Well, I guess it depends on which Star Wars shows up to the game. Episode 3, 4, 5, or 6? Winner for sure. Episode 1 or 2? Jar Jar Binks misses a three-pointer at the buzzer. But, I think 3-6 will show up.The cult hit The Big Lebowski is upset. Dude...

#6 Gone Baby Gone vs. #11 Into the Wild

Winner: Gone Baby Gone, but not by much. The wild guy puts up a pretty good fight, but in the end, who knew any relative of Ben Affleck's would be so good of a lead guy?

#3 Se7en vs. #14 Pretty Woman

Winner: Se7en. Obviously, being a guy, this pick is biased for me. Se7en was freaking awesome. It wins in a blowout.

#7 Field of Dreams vs. #10 Letters from Iwo Jima

Winner: Field of Dreams. It's classic Costner. If you pick it, they will win.

#2 The Pianist vs. #15 The Truman Show

Winner: The Truman Show. Upset! Well, not to me. The Truman Show is a highly underrated movie that shows you Jim Carrey can do serious pretty well... And no, I'm not a nazi for not going with The Pianist. The fictional story beats out the true story!

Ok, there's my first quarter. I feel confident with my picks...

Once

2008-03-23T22:53:00.003-04:00

Everyone go see the movie "Once". Unless you go to Liberty and aren't allowed to watch R rated movies. If I had only told you BEFORE spring break... bummer.

Anyways, it is a fantastic musical movie set in Ireland. Awesome original music.

Two thumbs up!

Triumph

2008-03-21T01:21:00.002-04:00

Today, Jared and I both solved the Rubik's Cube. And it only took like 5 hours.

But it was soooo worth it.

Here's to living in the moment...

2008-03-15T23:23:00.004-04:00

(In the last memory, the first time they met.)

Clem: This is it, Joel. It's gonna be gone soon.

Joel: I know.

Clem: So what do we do?

Joel: Enjoy it...

Stranger

2008-03-07T15:43:00.003-05:00

I have missed that forgotten rush
That taste of the brilliant unknown
"What's your name?"
She smiles

This music creates
a movie moment
Where life is surreal
And beautiful

The rush
The rush
Of the brilliant unknown

A willing stroll into self-destruction

2008-03-04T23:03:00.002-05:00

Joel: I don't see anything I don't like about you.

Clementine: But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.

Joel: Okay.